omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
