my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
