the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
