Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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