i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
