What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
