morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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