if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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