Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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