But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
