The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
