just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
