I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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