wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
