Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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