i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
