she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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