Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
