I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
