she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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