you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
