Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
