my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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