Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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