My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i out mim tonsoeep
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
