I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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