I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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