It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
