Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
