i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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