I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
