I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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