Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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