You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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