sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
