my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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