You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
