Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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