Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
