Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
