dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
