he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
