In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
