On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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