My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude i'm inner monologue high
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
