I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
