the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
