I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wear drunk well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
