I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
