Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
