He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
