I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
