The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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