6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
