Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
