I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
